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i can’t sleep so i thought i’d try to think on the positive side of the last eighteen hours.

jeromy and i have been cleaning the house and picking out toilet paper all day. the cleaning efforts are going slow… baby powder on our brand new kitchen floor has found its way into little crevices and seams and it’s going to be a joy to get it out. every time we turn around, we find tufts of easter grass or confetti or baby powder around. it’s almost maddening. i know we’re going to be finding this crap for years to come. the living room fan had confetti on it which made for a lovely time when it was turned on. it gets better – apparently the individuals who did this to the house felt it was necessary to go through the most personal spots of our home – bathroom drawers, cabinets, the closet, clothing drawers, etc… and it honestly feels a little invasive. there was a pile of shower gifts that haven’t been put up yet and even those have crap all over them. jeromy’s flower from the wedding was on the table messed up with a straight pin stuck through the middle of the flower (like someone was playing with it and “stabbed” it)… jeromy looked at it and said, “great… it’s not like i was wanting to keep that or anything.” our new red kitchen rug has baby powder all over it, so it’s never going to have the same vibrancy and color it even after it’s vacuumed.

on top of that, my first day with my husband has been just been blissful… he’s been confused and hurt as to why the people he knows were involved would be so selfish and petty as to trash the house the night of our wedding (especially to extent that it was done). so instead of getting to experience laughter and fun with him today, i’ve had to hold him as he wept on my shoulder out of frustration. if the goal was to suck any joy and fun we were planning to have from our first day as a married couple, it worked… with great success. any ounce of positive feelings we had from our wedding have been replaced by frustration. i have never seen him so upset.

i tried to tackle the tree solo but it has been slow. for some reason it was awkwardly warm and it’s been great to be up on a ladder with a pole fishing for paper. i’m convinced that the buds on the stupid pear tree have a clenching mechanism that will not let go of toilet paper. just as i would get one section unattached, the wind would catch it and blow it to another. we left this afternoon to take jeromy’s tux back to the rental place, and when we returned, i was mortified to find that one of our neighbors was picking toilet paper out of our tree. she said she had saw the “just married” on the truck and was wondering what the heck i was doing all afternoon on a ladder with a hook… so she wanted to come over and help when she saw that jeromy and i left. i was totally embarrassed and assured her that it would be fine and that we had it covered.

jeromy and i went to bed sweaty, exhausted, and not in the least in the mood for anything but sleep. we talked about a plan of what to clean and finish up tomorrow… yet again, not something that we had originally intended to do with our time. this evening, he started to try to rub the shoe polish off the car and truck and was unsuccessful. we expected that his truck would get hit with shoe polish and stuff at the wedding, but multiply the effort by three vehicles and the entire house being messed with, and you get the picture. i was supposed to show some out of town family the house today but had to nix that due to what was done. they have already left to go home today. it was really fun to explain why they couldn’t come over to see the house (and frankly kind of embarrassing). we’ll probably need to vacuum for a third time tomorrow, as only big clumps of easter grass and confetti are getting picked up. we’ll have to tackle individual pieces alone (for those who don’t already know… easter egg grass will clog and jam up your vacuum).

i have a headache and can’t sleep. everything i have eaten in the last two days has my tummy upset. there have been a lot of stressful dynamics going on and this just topped it all. my eyes hurt and i’m just ready to cry. nothing has turned out like i thought it would despite the fact that i tried so hard to make our wedding easy, enjoyable, and as financially painless for everyone involved. the kicker? before we left, our bags were stuffed to the brim with tiny pieces of shredded paper. and at first i thought it was funny and didn’t mind. i emptied out the shredded paper into the garbage at the hotel and thought nothing of it. tonight, i couldn’t find my birth control in my suitcase and realized that the little packet probably got thrown out with all of the confetti while i was in a rush to find stuff in my suitcase last night (the case for it is smaller than the size of a business card). sucks? yeah.

and to be honest… that’s fine. i’ve seen some really crappy stuff. but what gets me is that the person i love more than anything is so upset during a time that he should be happy. while i can be there for him all i want, it’s not going to repair any of the hurt he feels. i’m left in a situation to where i don’t know what to say or do. and really – the temporary stuff isn’t what has him so upset… it’s the underlying tone and intentions and lack of consideration that drove those actions.

so yeah… for anyone that wants to know how married life is treating us so far, let’s just say it’s flippin’ great. all joking aside, though, we are happy to finally have each other as family so that we can grow closer together through anything that comes our way. it’s great to have a snoring boy next to me right now and to know that he is my husband. if i have to be picking confetti out of carpet next to anyone, i couldn’t think of any person better than my sweet jeromiah. my family has offered to come over and help finish everything up tomorrow so that we can enjoy our week off. we have lots of plans… getting jeromy moved in, organizing the house, etc. it’ll rock to have everything all together. we’re hoping to just get out and about some, too, so that will be good. hopefully, there will be some fun and exciting adventures to post about soon.